Day 220: Recovery and Reflections

“I feel like I have you back.”

My husband and I have a relationship that rarely dips below the emotional surface.  Neither of us are good communicators and are usually quite happy to exist with our “everything’s fine” masks on.

Before I married my husband, I was a fighter.  I loved a good argument.  I would stuff my feelings until I started to overflow.  Stir in an unhealthy amount of alcohol and I would inevitably start a fight.

Hubby doesn’t play along.  He avoids conflict at all costs.  Early on in our marriage, when I was still trying to start the occasional argument, his reaction would be to go to another room and avoid me for hours.  Sure, in the beginning, it would further enrage me, but I’ve learned over the years to not try to engage him.  I’ve slowly, through this forced behavioural therapy, become someone who avoids the conflict as well.

Sometimes that means avoiding conversation that could lead to conflict.  So here we are: rarely talking about anything more than current events.

Tonight we had a quiet moment after work, just sitting still without the tv on.  We were chatting about “surface” items and I gently pushed for more.

Ring“Do you notice any changes since I’ve stopped drinking?” 

“Yeah, a lot.  I feel like I have you back.  I feel like I’ve got the person I married back.”

That’s how I’ll get through day 220.

Recovery and Reflections: Then and Now

Abandoned Yellow Brick Road Snow

I’m beginning to find my yellow brick road

Tomorrow marks 7 months of sobriety.  The me of 7 months ago was a completely different person than the me of today.  However, it’s easy to lose sight of how much has changed when you live the daily evolution.  My therapist has encouraged me to document the differences in who I am today versus who I was just 7 months ago.  I am a work in progress and have a long road ahead of me, but for tonight, I’m going to reflect on the road behind me. Continue reading