Day 176: Recovery and Reflections

ChickenHi, my name is Mental Rollercoaster and I am a chicken.

I am 176 days sober and I’ve spent the past 30 days putting off getting an AA sponsor.  I know who I want to approach, but I always chicken out at the last minute.  Why?  Because I don’t want to bother her.  I don’t want to intrude in her life and ask her to devote time to me.

The past 5 years were the worst of my alcoholism, which is no surprise considering the progressive nature of the beast.  I would struggle to get sober for a couple of days, only to run back to the vodka.  I tried to do it alone, maintaining a false exterior of sobriety; I drank 100% in isolation.  Near the end, I recognized that I couldn’t get sober on my own, but I still didn’t reach out to anyone I knew.  During one workday, I got a call on my cell phone from a rehab centre, following up on my email.  Email?  I had no recollection of emailing them.  I told them they had the wrong number.

It’s a character flaw that I don’t ask for help.  It’s not out of ego (believing that I know best), but for a lack of.  I truly believe that asking for help will burden the person I’m asking.  Why would they give a shit about me and want to spend the time I’m asking them to invest?  Wrapping my head around AA and sponsorship is not easy, but I know that I have to ask for help in order to stay sober.

So I’ll try again, on day 176, to ask for help in the shape of a sponsor because I am not a rock and cannot do it alone.

Daily Prompt: I Am a Rock

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13 thoughts on “Day 176: Recovery and Reflections

  1. Just ask … you can do it. The first person I asked said “no.” I was devastated. It took me a while but I found one. Be like water in a river, Obstacles will appear, but move around them or over them or under them. YOU CAN DO IT.
    ps … I know someone who will sponsor you, ASK

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