Scenery, Not Seen

Daily Prompt: Standout
When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork?

I do not feel comfortable being the centre of attention.  What?  The bipolar, ADHD gal with anxiety who used and abused vodka as a social lubricant for two decades doesn’t like attention?  Weird!

For my job, I force myself to be more social at conferences.  Although my position is the furthest away from sales possible, I work for a small company, so it’s everyone’s job to develop new contacts.  When sitting at a table with industry peers I don’t know, it takes extraordinary effort for me to start up a conversation.

But!  I’m better at it today than I was yesterday.  It’s a daily effort to develop conversational skills when, for so many years, I isolated myself with alcohol.  I chose not to maintain existing friendships and I chose not to seek out new ones.  The same can be said for my relationship with my husband: I chose not to have a fun, social life with him.  For many years, we’ve lived together almost as roommates, eating dinner together in front of the tv, then retiring to separate areas of the house to engage in our own hobbies, alone.  For years, we’ve been living in a frat house.

But!  That is changing.  It’s a slow process requiring that daily effort, but we’re finding little things to do together that collectively make a big difference.

Whether it’s a work or family scenario, it’s an effort to be social because I so badly want to fade into the background.  Knowing that fading away is a lonely way to live, I challenge myself to live a more social life.  The more time that separates me from my active alcoholism, the easier it is.  It’s all part of a complete personal evolution.girl_hiding-300x196


12 thoughts on “Scenery, Not Seen

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  2. I am happy to read that you are on the way to a better way of life! Looking back, it have always been the people that made experiences worthwhile, not the experiences themselves. Life is a party, and no one wants to celebrate it alone. 🙂 Opening up to people and socializing enrich our lifes day by day. Grab your hands on Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” – it may revolutionize your world, as it did with mine and so many others. 🙂


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  8. I was very shy before I began drinking, but I’m a lot older now and I wonder if I will be less so once I’m finally sober for a while. I hope so.


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