I recently blogged about my concern of being self-absorbed in these early months of sobriety. I’ve been putting so much time and effort towards changing myself and my daily routine that I worry about becoming lost in narcissism. This week, I am challenged to set my ego aside to focus on someone else’s needs.
My husband has Crohn’s which, for him, is exacerbated by stress. He’s recently developed a back problem that will likely lead to short-term disability and ultimately a job change. Very stressful.
Crohn’s patients and families hold their breath between flare ups, hoping that the next one never comes. But it does. This flare up is particularly disheartening because of a new (very expensive!) medication he’s on which has been a miracle drug for many patients. Unfortunately it’s not for him. So we line up doctors appointments and wait. We do our best to keep him hydrated and his spirits up – remember, stress exacerbates his flare ups.
I am very adept at putting on a smiling face when I’m breaking down inside. That’s been a coping mechanism of mine since I was a child. However, I am guilty of visibly showing depression at home. It’s not fair to my husband, but in my own home I can drop the mask and look as tired and sad as I feel inside. But not this week. I have to be the upbeat, positive force without being obnoxiously fake (it’s a fine line).
The positive side effect is that I actually fool myself – I am feeling good and able to summon the energy to ensure his needs are met. You’re craving a Coke Slurpee? No problem, I’ll be back in 5. You want to watch a movie that you’ll love and I’ll hate? Scoot over, I’ll grab an extra blanket. Thanks to Redbull, I have endless energy. Redbull: mania in a can. I’m not sure that slogan will stick.
Back to the drawing board…