I’m sitting at my desk, surrounded by tasks but unable to get started on any of them. My mind is darting from one thought to another, so quickly that when I try to remember how I got to one, I cannot retrace the path. I can’t remember what felt so important and urgent just seconds ago before I started thinking about organizing that desktop folder.
I try to force myself to identify how I’m feeling. I start the sentence “I feel really…” a dozen times but can’t finish it. The usual adjectives just don’t fit. So here I sit with my mind flitting and feeling numb. That’s the best I can do when I try to finish the sentence: I feel really numb.
I can’t explain why I cannot get motivated to work. I’m spending hours surfing the net, going between news sites, Twitter and WordPress. When I’ve exhausted one site for the moment, I sit with my fingers positioned on the keyboard, staring at the screen hoping to be inspired as to where to surf next. After a few beats, I’ll type in the next URL and spend a few minutes getting caught up from when I last visited (maybe an hour ago?).
As unproductive as I am sitting here, I don’t have an overwhelming desire to leave for the day. I’m not thinking of excuses to leave early and I’m not counting down the minutes. I’m just numb.
Maybe “numb” isn’t the right word. I’m just in limbo? I’m just…
Two minutes left to the day. Now I’m counting down. I’ve managed to complete one time-sensitive report for a client with 2 minutes to spare. That’s just enough time to catch up on Twitter.