Complex mathematics has never been my strong-suit. However I thought that I had a good grasp of basic counting. 1, 2, 3, carry on… Apparently I was wrong! My sobriety count was off by a few days. So here I am, on (legitimate) day 119.
I’ve been taking note mentally of some of the things I’ve been doing sober for the first time. Some are little things like going for a tan. Some things are bigger. Tonight I went to a bar. Hubby recently joined a band and they did a short set tonight. So I spent a couple of hours in a bar socializing with people that I’ve only met once before.
That scenario, for most people, is pretty innocuous: have a drink, chat with the band wives, get to know people. For me, however, it’s fraught with potential pitfalls. If I picture this scenario happening 4 months ago, I would have drank heavily before leaving the house (in “secret” because I was pretending to be sober). I would have been very irritable with hubby before leaving the house, hoping to get out of even going because of the anxiety of spending time with people I don’t know – what the hell would I say to people? I would end up going, but I’d be bitchy in the car ride over, sucking the fun out of the night for hubby. And of course, there would be a water bottle filled with vodka in my purse and I’d excuse myself to the bathroom every half hour.
Such a miserable scenario. Thankfully my head is a little clearer, 119 days in, and the night ended up being a lot of fun. I was supportive of hubby, who thoroughly enjoyed himself, which is the most important piece of the night. I even enjoyed chatting with one of the wives. It’s been a long time since I’ve had friends and it was nice to have a small reminder of what it’s like to just chit-chat and get to know someone.
My take-away at the end of day 119 is that I want to be conscious of little snippets of life and how different they are to experience sober. And that’s how I’ll get through this final half hour of day 119…