Day 97: Recovery and Reflections

I am exhausted.  On Day 90, I mused about my upcoming week and its built-in hurdles.  I wondered if it was my 90 day test: dinner and a concert with girlfriends I haven’t seen in 12 years, a 3 day out-of-town conference riddled with boozy evenings, a weekend sleepover with my young nephew, and a day of visiting with the in-laws.  Phew!  Just listing all of these things has me worn out, let alone living them in a span of just 6 days.

I am exhausted.  Although, there is a little flicker of enthusiasm deep within me because I made it through this past week without having a drink.  I’m even able to keep my self-loathing inner voice relatively quiet as I reflect on the past week and remember moments that triggered and what worked to move past.

One trigger came from my boss, which was surprising because I’ve recently had to confess my addiction to her.  We were at a cocktail event and she was drinking a gin and tonic, made with a local spirit that tastes quite different than the commonly used Beefeater.  She was trying to describe the flavour and said “well here, just try it” and she held her drink out to me.  I politely declined, quickly saying “thank you, but I don’t enjoy gin.”  It was an odd moment.

A couple of hours later, I was eating dinner with people I’d never met and I was filled with social anxiety.  That’s when I really wanted a drink.  I gave it serious thought: my boss would never know (and would she even care after our exchange earlier?), it would take the proverbial edge off and I’d magically be able to start selling the virtues of our company to anyone who listened (enter the delusional thinking).  I rode out the uncomfortable social anxiety and white knuckled it, eventually overcoming the delusional thinking with truthfulness: one drink would turn into many and any attempt to promote the company would come out as a slurring mash of words that would leave a less than professional impression.

I’m proud to be able to survey the past week and say that I did it all without alcohol.  Just a few months ago, that would have been unfathomable.  Hell, even just a week ago I wasn’t sure I could.  It’s satisfying to have these successful days tucked under my belt.  And that’s how I’ll get through Day 97.

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2 thoughts on “Day 97: Recovery and Reflections

  1. Day 97! Wow, look at all of the challenges that the past week brought, and you stayed sober! Great job:) I understand completely the social anxiety aspect; I think that is one of my biggest obstacles. I simply feel boring without alcohol. A little conversation lubrication goes a long way – but of course we aren’t doing that anymore, right?

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