Day 93: Recovery and Reflections


Earlier this week, I had an amazing night.

I saw Tom Petty with 5 girlfriends that I haven’t seen in 12 years. It was amazing, and even better than I thought it could be.

If I were still drinking, this evening would have been very different. I still would have planned it, because planning this type of over-the-top event (reuniting with 5 friends after 12 years) is exactly what seems like a great idea during a manic bender. However, within days I would have started regretting even suggesting the reunion, eventually talking myself out of it completely and bailing on my friends.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t even think about bailing. And I wasn’t anxious about reuniting. I had butterflies of excitement. At dinner, it was as though we’d last seen each other yesterday.

The only thing that had me anxious ahead of time was ordering drinks at dinner. I had planned for it (even discussed it with my therapist) and was very comfortable with my plan. However, it ended up being such a non-issue. I guess we’ve all grown up. I ordered my club soda and no one even looked at me sideways. That speaks to me about the quality of these women. I am incredibly fortunate that they’ve ever been a part of my life and I want to keep the friendships alive.

Big self-awareness moment: I felt at ease with myself in a situation that I couldn’t have even contemplated being in when I was drinking.

Then the concert: phenomenal. Tom Petty fucking rocks! I saw him 18 years ago and he looks and sounds just as great as ever. Amazing!! I, on the other hand do not look as I did 18 years ago!

While driving home, self-aware moment #2 happened: I drove past 2 police cars. My first thought was “I hope I get pulled over. I’m driving home at midnight after a concert and I haven’t had a single drop to drink. I want to tell someone that!” When I was drinking, my anxiety would skyrocket if I spotted a police car. I’m not proud.

Alas, I did not get pulled over, so I’m telling you: I didn’t drink that night!


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