Day 81: Recovery and Reflections

ApplesI’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks, feeling lost and alone.  I don’t feel as though I fit in at a 12 step meeting.  The problem is that I’m comparing myself to others.  It is such destructive behaviour to compare, no matter what the comparison is.

As I get older, I’m learning to not compare my high-level life stats against others.  As I start to learn how different the outward-facing me is, compared to the reality of what’s going on inside, I realize it’s likely that others do this too.  Therefore I’m not comparing apples to apples.  I’m comparing my messy inside self to someone’s polished outside self.

NA cautions against comparing ourselves to others:

Once we stopped using drugs, many of us started comparing ourselves to other addicts. We focused on our differences rather than our similarities. Seeing only the differences made it easy to think that maybe we didn’t belong in NA.

~ “Recovery in Narcotics Anonymous”

This is exactly where I’m going wrong.  I feel like a fraud, that I’m not truly an addict, because my story isn’t as tragic as some.  I recognize this as dangerous thinking; it will eventually give me permission to relapse.

So for today, on Day 81, I will remind myself that my experiences are my own and don’t need to be held up against someone else’s to be considered true or false.  That is how I’ll get through today…

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6 thoughts on “Day 81: Recovery and Reflections

  1. Hey MR,
    I hear what you’re saying. I feel like I might need some help to stop drinking but I don’t feel like I’m even in the same league as the people I hear talking about their issues. It’s like when I went to weight watchers when I had 20 pounds to lose. I felt like a fake standing there with men and women who had hundreds of pounds to lose. But I love what you said: “I feel like a fraud, that I’m not truly an addict, because my story isn’t as tragic as some. I recognize this as dangerous thinking; it will eventually give me permission to relapse.” That’s my other fear. Keep posting and i’ll keep reading.

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    • Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I am happy to hear that you identify with these same thoughts. The more I interact with like-minded people, the more I realize that we all have similar struggles. Cheers!

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  2. Great last line two lines there. Lots of insight. It took me a long time to figure that one out. I still have to remind myself sometimes. Comparing ourselves to others is just dangerous stuff. Self-pity is just around the corner when we do that, and/or the rationalization of alcoholism. Our journeys are all different, and while we tread the same path, we have our own ways that we come to that path, our own experiences and our own way of treading it. I can only compare myself to me.

    Great post.

    Paul

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