Disappointment

I need to feel needed.  This is, however, in stark contrast to my social anxiety and inability to maintain relationships.  Therefore, when I lose an opportunity to be needed, it’s overwhelmingly disappointing.

My teenaged nephew was going to stay with me for 2 weeks next month.  The plan was to stay with me on the weekdays and with his grandparents on the weekends.  He’s now decided to stay exclusively with his grandparents.

I don’t begrudge him the decision: they live closer to his friends and having just one home base for the 2 weeks will be less chaotic.  It really does make more sense.

That said, I’m ridiculously sad.  

A part of me (the self-berating part) believes my sister (his mom) has encouraged this decision because of my history with alcohol abuse.  I don’t think she trusts me.  In truth, she shouldn’t trust me with the most important thing in her life.  I saw her on Monday and I wanted to tell her about the positive steps I’ve been taking: 60+ days sober, seeing a therapist weekly, attending regular NA meetings and I’m back on mood stabilizers to balance the bipolar.  I wanted to tell her all of this to ease her mind while he stayed with me, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to her alone.  Now I regret not forcing the opportunity.

Ridiculously sad.

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6 thoughts on “Disappointment

  1. Dude, bummer. I have similar issues in more than one way (read nzfiend.wordpress.com if you want!)and hey, you should have shared. But you know that now. I can’t share with my family either. That is one of the reasons for failing often as it happens.

    The sister thing will work out. May be half a year, not sixty days? Maybe 100 days? Whenever. Ring or email.

    Give her this blog address?!

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  2. I really enjoy reading your blog. Your honesty and straightforwardness are refreshing. I am sorry you are feeling this way and hope the sadness will pass at some point. I don’t mean to offer unsolicited advice and you may certainly ignore this suggestion if you don’t think it’s the best thing to do, but I recommend (at some point) talking to your sister and telling her how you feel about those trust issues. If you feel she doesn’t trust you, the best way to earn back her trust is to communicate and share how you feel in all of this. Perhaps it would help her to see things from your perspective. And hopefully through some honest conversations, you both can learn to trust each other again. Communication is the key to any successful relationship, whether that be with family, friends, a significant other, etc.

    Anyway, it sounds like you are making some amazing progress in your life, and I hope you are able to take some time to celebrate that! Thanks for sharing your words here. I’m sure you are an inspiration to many. 🙂

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    • Thank you very much for reading and taking the time to write. Your advice to talk openly and honestly with my sister is spot on and I intend to do so (as soon as I muster the courage). 🙂
      Thank you again for your thoughtful comments. It’s very encouraging to receive feedback.

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      • I wish you all the best as you go about having that conversation! I’ve had to confront many people in my life and I know how difficult it can be to muster up the strength and courage. Blessings to you as you take that step! Take care. 🙂

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