I need to feel needed. This is, however, in stark contrast to my social anxiety and inability to maintain relationships. Therefore, when I lose an opportunity to be needed, it’s overwhelmingly disappointing.
My teenaged nephew was going to stay with me for 2 weeks next month. The plan was to stay with me on the weekdays and with his grandparents on the weekends. He’s now decided to stay exclusively with his grandparents.
I don’t begrudge him the decision: they live closer to his friends and having just one home base for the 2 weeks will be less chaotic. It really does make more sense.
That said, I’m ridiculously sad.
A part of me (the self-berating part) believes my sister (his mom) has encouraged this decision because of my history with alcohol abuse. I don’t think she trusts me. In truth, she shouldn’t trust me with the most important thing in her life. I saw her on Monday and I wanted to tell her about the positive steps I’ve been taking: 60+ days sober, seeing a therapist weekly, attending regular NA meetings and I’m back on mood stabilizers to balance the bipolar. I wanted to tell her all of this to ease her mind while he stayed with me, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to her alone. Now I regret not forcing the opportunity.