60 days sober. There were many times when I couldn’t imagine being sober for more than a couple of days in a row. To someone who’s not an addict, it’s hard to understand. In fact, I even have trouble understanding it most days.
The past 60 days have been easy. At the risk of using a cliche, the most difficult is the first day. The first day that you’re not vomiting, the urge to drink is powerful. After that, it’s easy… for a while.
I’ve tried staying sober before. It’s always the same cycle: get excited for a new way of living, follow a routine of healthy choices, lather rinse repeat for a short period of time, use any excuse to allow myself to have a drink, immediately return to the cycle of 20 oz a day until my body violently rejects the poison.
I’m currently in the “lather rinse repeat for a short period of time” phase. This is the easy phase. Staying sober becomes difficult when my brain starts working against me.
“I’ve been doing so well, there’s no way I would return to the old way of drinking”
“I can handle a couple of drinks for fun tonight – it’s no big deal”
“I am so frustrated right now – I deserve a drink to get through this”
My rational brain tells me that it is a big deal and I can’t handle a couple of drinks and I don’t need a drink to endure frustration. That’s why I’m putting these words out there: for when my rational brain takes a leave of absence, I can return to this post to remember the truth.
Now on to enjoy the rest of Day 60 without a hangover and without the cycling thoughts of how/when/where to get more alcohol…