Forced Evolution is still Evolution

Right-Hand Turn on Road

6:00 a.m.: Yawn, stretch, mood check: I think for a moment… not bad, not bad at all.

8:20 a.m.: I walk into the quiet office.  Although we all start at 8:30, 8:20 is early enough to be the only one in the office for a good 15 minutes.  I like being the first one.  It gives me a chance to start up the office machinery before anyone has a chance to start throwing questions about this client or new deadlines for that conference at me.  I flip the switch to the hot water and wait for my tea.  Mood check: still good, peaceful almost.

11:30 a.m.: I’m not sure what’s happened, but I realize that for the past 30 minutes, since this meeting has started, I’ve been hurling internal insults at myself.  Jesus, how did you not know the name of that caterer?  Everyone knows who they are!  Every one of your ideas are useless.  She’s trying not to say it, but she’s looking at me as if to ask how did you not understand what I just said??  Why did I say that?  Close your mouth and think things through before you waste everyone’s time with your ridiculous palaver.

2:30 p.m.: I’m back at my desk after a marketing meeting and a quickly inhaled chicken wrap.  I can feel that my body is physically sagging.  I can’t believe how much I’ve screwed up over the last few days.  

5:00 p.m.: Driving home.  I’m mentally exhausted and physically defeated by my lumbering physique.  I had thought about going to the gym tonight, but fuck it.  It’d be nice to get to bed early.  Maybe I’ll listen to some O&A tonight to (hopefully) crack a smile and get out of this funk.

7:00 p.m.: I don’t know where it came from, but I want to find out.  I want to know how to summon it up at will.  From the dark recesses of my lazy mind, I thought Ah, what the hell, I’ll go to Sephora, take advantage of the sale, then I’ll hit the gym for a bit of cardio.  And that was it.  I did it.

10:15 p.m.: Here I am, feeling like a different person than I did this morning.  I have to remember this.  Festering in funk will never lead to a brighter mood.  Physically moving and forcing a different perspective will almost always lead to a brighter mood.  I have to remember this.  It’s smile therapy.  John Cage was on to something.  


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